wickedace: A small, purple, plush dragon (Default)
[personal profile] wickedace
 Alright, gang, I'm feeling remarkably flat this morning (and by flat I mean I just spent half an hour lying on the floor in my hallway because doing anything else seemed like more effort than it was worth). I reckon I'm going to try and work out the stuff running round in my head by writing it out here, since that's basically what secret blogs are for, right?

I have recently made a Shiny New Friend. This is good. I have, I think, made it past the point of "but what if I fuck this up" and into the safer zone of "it's okay, this is actually a friendship now, we like each other and do cool stuff together". But, they are still a Shiny Cool Person, which means I think about them a lot, and just talking to them makes me smile, and when they leave I get sad. Currently I'm suffering the hangover of having seen them a lot this week, and I'm cross with myself for having it, because goddamn why am I sat here mooning over a person like a massive emo kid. There's also like a helping of extra guilt in there because I haven't yet managed to reconcile "I am in a long-term relationship with a person I love and care for" with "but also I can have squishy things where I find a different person really cool and think about them a lot" in my brain yet. (Logically, these two things are not incompatible. I just need to...learn that emotionally.)

I also have a Draining Friend. This friend has been around for a few years. Many of my other friends do not get on with them. I have some fun times with them, but I also find them quite exhausting, and also kinda judgmental and a bit of a black/white thinker. They think we're basically besties, as far as I can tell. I tried to take a step back from the friendship at one point, and did a relatively good job of putting less effort into it, and I felt better for it, but I have slipped, and am back to talking to and seeing this friend a lot, and it's not making me feel good. Plus, I have a serious case of Hey That's Mine with this friend. By which I mean, there have been times I've introduced this friend to new people or social events, and they've loved them. Which is great. But then they go on to see more of the new people than I do, or go to more of the event than I do, or everything in that event/social circle now includes this friend, and I have a massive silent tantrum in my head because those were My Shiny New People/Events, and then I get sad. This friend just started getting to know Shiny New Friend and their social circle, and I'm flailing around because Mine Mine Mine, and I was just enjoying having a social circle that didn't have Draining Friend in all the time.

I need to:
  • Have confidence that my friendship with Shiny New Friend will survive them getting to know a person I don't necessarily get on with
  • Put a bit of effort into pulling back and reducing contact again
  • Go and do something cool with some other friends to take my mind off all of this crap (I have something lined up for about half an hour's time, I just need to hang in there)
  • Have something to eat, it will almost definitely help

In other news, I've been watching the first and second seasons of Scooby-Doo, Where Are You?, and that's been pretty good. It's fun spotting the seeds of what became tropes in later Scooby-Doo films/series, and all the 1960s budget animation tricks - in the whole first series, the closest we get to the classic ending line is "I would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for these blasted kids and their dog", and there's a stock headshot of Fred having a smart idea that appears in almost every episode. Plus, I'm word-perfect on the theme song now, and it's been in and out of my head all week.

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wickedace: A small, purple, plush dragon (Default)

July 2017

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